Running Out of Hope?

A few random things on the trivial end of my grandmother's estate when it was inventoried.

A few random things on the trivial end of my grandmother’s estate when it was inventoried.

I am not entirely out of hope yet. I am coming off  another holiday which was not entirely cheerful or entirely bad. I am filled with reflections on many choices I have made and I respect most of the choices I have made. My options seem to be ever shrinking and I am tired. I see many alarming trends in the country and the world. I have done and adventured in directions that were costly and have left me with few avenues of progress available. But I am not yet without hope. I may be running out of hope for a life I would ever smile much about and feel better about than this but things could be worse. I am not very happy but I have been more depressed. Nonetheless, I am thinking that without an unforeseeable improvement I will change my life quite a bit soon.  That is not from any great heights but simply to a more even basement of life I suppose.

When I think back on all the objects that have defined my life and the lives of those around me. I think of things inherited, made, bought, sold, given and received.  Each transaction and venture had its own story and character. In the room where I currently live are a few objects from my grandmother — although none from the photograph above. There are also two copies of my novel and some things from China. I sit near the tapestry pictured in this post and a picture of me as a child in front of the Parthenon.

The novel I wrote online before many but never yet published receives paper form.
The novel I wrote online before many but never yet published receives paper form.
work up of a possible cover for the Culkathadreil Novel

work up of a possible cover for the Culkathadreil Novel

Writing a novel of over six hundred pages and having many people read it or part of it in the worst online format imaginable is a process and I am pleased with the novel. My overall situation in life does not please me much. I am planning to leave behind my Facebook Account on April 15 and my place of life here on June 15 of 2014. However, I will be glad to keep this site going a bit longer. Nonetheless, I am in contraction mode as my life here has been amazingly non-sustaining for some time. I have been involved with some good things and people but overall things have been slipping off course for decades.

A picture I bought on the Wan Fun Jing from an artist going by the English name Merrick

A picture I bought on the Wan Fun Jing from an artist going by the English name Merrick

A gift from my friend Lu Ting-ting this past Christmas and Chinese New Year

A gift from my friend Lu Ting-ting this past Christmas and Chinese New Year

The most recent personal new is that I have registered this domain name. Now one need not put in the WordPress bit. I think however, that this is more about digging in than expanding in any way. Nonetheless, in a life spent as mine has been and with the views I hold there is no time for complete surrender. One must hope simply to find the right death with one’s boots on are in a dignified sick bed. Until that day comes my struggle continues. Those of you who read this blog are entitled to join me as this journey plays out.

 

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