by Frank Wynerth Summers III on Monday, September 10, 2012 at 3:01pm ·
It is late on the afternoon of the day before the eleventh anniversary of the September 11, 2012 terrorist attacks and it is a very hard day for many other people around the world. But I am also looking at the first month ending after my heart attack. This came at a very bad time as it came during a time when I am less able to deal with the four thousand dollars in billls generated by the emergency room visit than at any other time in my life. There have been many bad financial times but this is the worst. I think my heart attack really occurred on the early morning hours of the eighth of August and that is close enough to month even if I am further delayed in getting this note up. Since my heart attack I have lost thirty odd pounds from about 310 to 270 something. Although partly because my intestines are so damaged from various problems my weight fluctuates more than most peoples even whien it is markedly going up or down. But I am glad to have lost the weight and I enjoyed my walk today in the beautiful autumn weather we had this morning. But I have walked every day including some when the weather could best be described as very hot, humid and miserable. Fot the time being there is little doubt in my mind that my physical condition is improving. My since of hope and courage to endure are perhaps not doing quite so well. Maybe some of that is just my nature.
I am concerned about tomorrow’s anniversary. There have been a lot more shootings in Afghanistan lately of our troops, there have been a lot of ammo dumps opened up to terrorist groups through the so-called Arab Spring. There are new governments with ties to these terror groups. There have been a lot of mass shootings in the USA lately. Our border is very porous with Mexico in which violence is breaking out in new ways daily. In addition the Arab element in Mexico has multiplied many times over in recent decades. Very little has been done to honor the woman who shot the Fort Hood shooter or to punish the Fort Hood shooter. I do not mean to predict that there will be ground based terrorist attacks on our soil this month. Probably there will not be. But if there are they will not be unpredictable.
I am struggling with the feelings engendered by this prospect as well as by the 96 Trillion dollar public debt which even conservatives believe is just 16 Trillion. I am concerned about many things and am already limited in what I can do to overcome my health crisis. Yet many more troubles go unmentioned. Many people would not understand why I worry about large problems who know about all the small and personal problems I have. But I do worry…
I put up a note already titled ” A Recent Episode and the Course of a Life” the words are chosen in a way that did not have heart attacks or anything in the Facebook Note title and it was easier to miss than this title. However on my blog it was at least titled “My Social Security: A Recopied Facebook Note” . One of the common syptoms of a heart attack is a sense of gloom, doom and desperation. That was just as real fro me as the paralysis in my side, the terrible pain in my upper arm and eventually the sweating and nausea. I believe many true theories can still confuse the truth. On which often does is cause and effect. In many cases there is a chicken and egg relationship between factors. One produces the other ad infinitum. Though clearly eggs have existed in species which predate the chicken. What I know is true is that manifestions of a disease or condition of any type may sometimes help to intensify and bring about the disease of crisis. The symptoms can have multiple causes.
I am feeling a bit better because all I do is tend to myself and my health more or less. I am not even able to pay or get decent communication as regards the single time I have received any medical care in this which was at the emergency room. I am going down overall with little doubt. There is some chance I will be able to teach abroad but I am not going to lie about my physical challenges which will be compounded by a long journey, adjustments to the place and dealing with the new medical system. I am exercising, taking aspirin, applying for medicare, resting more and losing weight on a pretty strict plan of eating for which I keep a food diary. I do those things while trying to deal with the resentment, dread and anger of my life and situation. I know that another blow may be coming despite my best efforts and that my current situation is unsustainable.Sanit often produces depression while the mentally ill float over the worst of the storm and I am unfortunately both sane and pron to the resulting gloom and sadness. But I know I cannot really buy all that much time unless I can reduce the relative despair, real horror and profound misery whcih grips my heart and the rest of my emotional and physical system. I am going to write about how little hope I have and why and in places I may name names…
I repeat that I do have some apprehensions about this September and I have a feeling of sadness when I see the sixteen trillion dollar debt clock at the Republican Convention that people think that maybe we only have a public debt of sixteen trillion. The real amount of our public debt for all real purposes is btween 96 and 222 trillion dollars. But I am more saddened by other figures. A great deal darkens my view that is nearer to home.
Nonetheless, be careful this September. If I am wrong about the risks write me a message and make fun of me in October…
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